Greetings. There’s an explanation there that I don’t care to give. So today we’re again talking about what I was talking about in the first version of episode three, which is kitchen table polyamory. How many of you know what it is? How many of you have absolutely no clue? That’s kind of the point of this article. What I also want to talk about beyond the definition of kitchen table is how not to go into it mentally, which goes for all relationships. So, first off definition, kitchen table polyamory is not for me. Not for me at this time. It is basically I would describe it as an atmosphere of connection within all the members of your polycule. So polycule being all of your various partners, your Metamors being able to come together at a quote unquote kitchen table and just hang out. So it’s that kind of casual, frequent, natural desire for everyone in there to just want to see each other any time and be friendly enough, obviously, like, be quite friendly with each other so that everyone just kind of pals.
The reason it’s called kitchen table in general is because that atmosphere of a kitchen table in the morning where everyone is gathering because they’re kind of just like cozy family. Everyone’s just wearing whatever you wear at the kitchen table in the morning, drinking coffee together, that kind of thing creates a real good image of what it would feel like ideally to have kitchen table Polly. So kitchen table poly adorable. In theory, I still think it totally can be done. It’s just maybe a lot less common than people want to believe, which I don’t. There’s no right or wrong in polyamory. My dudes like kitchen table. I do feel like a lot of people see it as their ideal in the same way that maybe a unicorn is seen as an ideal to achieve, because a kitchen table feels safe, right?
It feels like everyone there is beyond basically respectful, but now just getting along, it’s like ideal. It’s like paradise and polyamory, right? Even the metamors are just, like, good with each other. That is true polyamory, right? So I feel that a couple of people that I know personally talk about kitchen table and how much they want to achieve it before they even have partners, before they have anyone to really ask if that person also wants to engage in kitchen table with them. And this is a number one mistake that I think exists just in relationships in general, not just polyamory, but polyamory for sure, because it is such a lifestyle by design thing that people do tend to think they can literally design not only their lifestyle, but the people within it. That’s where it gets really messed up and kind of dangerous. Mentally. So here is my one word of warning against kitchen table, because in case you’re thinking this way, I just would encourage you to stop it sooner than later.
And it’s very similar to the mindset that a lot of people go into unicorn hunting with. And there’s a reason why a lot of folk in the Polyamory community will meet someone who says they’re looking for a unicorn with some aggression. Not that I’m validating aggression, because we should all be nicer to each other, but let’s start with unicorn hunting first, and then I’ll talk about how it’s similar to kitchen table. Unicorn hunting requires maybe previously monogamous couple going out and looking for their perfect polyamorous unicorn who will manage to love both of those people in that opening couple equally and at the same time and fall in love at the same rate. And it’s almost like that unicorn is by design. You go out with the intent of finding this person who will be able to help you check off a lot of little points you have on your internal list. Some people actually have an external list, too, which is horrifying. Guys don’t do that. The reason that unicorns are hard to find is that you’re actually looking for is a person who is insecure enough, perhaps, to want to do whatever you ask of them and who puts those actions ahead of the idea that you will just get to know them as a person. So if you’re asking anyone to be within your relationship or to be in a relationship with you because they’ve agreed to do certain things a certain way, this is what it means to treat someone like an object. So this is all me.
Like after reading More Than Two and kind of just seeing how a lot of people suffer in the dating world in general because they’ll go out with a laundry list of checkmarks they would love a person to fulfill. And then when they find someone, that relationship might go well for a short amount of time, but then you kind of quickly realize that, oh, I haven’t actually gotten to know this human as a human being before. I required that they fit in a lot of boxes for me.
What is a polyamorous relationship? You are in a relationship
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