Poly marriage in ethical non monogamy


The sex talk. So I want to talk about a little deep dive about monopoly or poly mono or monopoly as someone pointed out recently. Mono. Poly. What does that mean? Or poly marriage? Mono. When one person is in a relationship with another person and is monogamous with them, but this person has another partner or maybe has several other partners. This person is Polly polyamorous and this person is monogamous. Mono Polly. This is an interesting one to navigate because the whole idea for me, particularly around Polly is that both partners have the opportunity and the benefit of having multiple partners. And whether those partners are sexual or intimate, emotional, physical, it varies, and it’s up to the partner and partners in question. But for the mono monogamous person to be in a relationship with the poly person really says a lot about the monogamous person in that they’re so confident and comfortable with themselves that they can allow their partner to go and experience other relationships. That’s the first and foremost thing that comes up for me. But I also know from experience working with Monopoly people in my practice that that’s not always the case.
People are monogamous for a variety of reasons. People may be monogamous because they don’t have the opportunity to engage with other people for a variety of reasons. Maybe in this particular case I’m thinking about someone with immune disorder who has to stay at home. It’s been COVID and can’t actually date. The other thing that comes to mind is basically that mono people may be monogamous for reasons beyond their own control. It’s not that they want to be monogamous. They’re sort of monogamous by default versus the idea that you can be monogamous by choice and still date someone who engages in polyamory, who identifies as polyamorous. And I love this so much because it really says to me that you can be in a relationship with someone and let the other person do what they feel is best for them. Someone who doesn’t want to be polyamorous doesn’t have to be polyamorous, and they can still allow their partner to engage in polyamory, and they can still have an impact on how that polyamory looks by interjecting their morals, encouraging and asking for negotiation and things like that. So I believe that Monopoly can work really well for the poly person dating a Monopoly.

Some issues that might come up are especially if you’re a poly person that feels like you need to take care of people. I feel like that could be an issue that comes up and that you worry about your monogamous partner. Can you talk to them? How honest can you be with them? And I think if your monogamous partner has declared that they’re monogamous by choice and this is something that they’re choosing to do, but they’re not putting that on you, then yes, 100%. You should be able to communicate what you need to communicate within the bounds of what you and your monogamous partner have agreed are allowed for communication. I guess the question that comes up for me is, like, can a monogamous person and a polyamorous person have ethical communication? In other words, is that monogamous person going to be open to more communication about partners and things like that?
Are they going to want to know more? And how is that going to affect them? In my head, in this perfect scenario, the monogamous person is so comfortable in themselves. They’re like, yeah, you go to you, you be yourself. And I’m just happy with one person. Actually. I kind of feel like I get that. I understand that, and I think that that’s where I’m starting this conversation about mono poly. But so many other things can come into play. And the real, true bottom line about that is how do each party feel about their role, whether they’re monogamous or poly? And how do they feel about their partner being monogamous and or poly? How does the monogamous person feel about their poly partner? And how does the poly partner feel about their monogamous partner? And what are some guidelines that will help to make this relationship that much better? The sex talk.

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