But for me, being in poly marriage is not experiencing jealousy. It’s experiencing jealousy and knowing that I can work through it. Hey, guys, It’s a beautiful day today. I wanted to interrupt my Saigon travel series to talk to you guys a little bit about being polyamorous. Just the other day, yesterday, I had a subscriber message me asking me how did I know I was polyamorous? And this is a perfect question because I feel like for the longest time, I did identify as poly, but I didn’t identify as poly in the way that I do now. And the way I used to identify as poly was something that I could just turn on and off. I would ask people getting into relationships if they were into being open, like having an open relationship. And if they said no, I’d just be like, okay.
How I knew I was poly
But later in life, I realized that poly is more of who I am and less of what I choose to be. I lost track of what I was trying to say. So early on in my life, I can remember a distinct moment when I was different. And this was when I was swinging on a swing, and my friend was swinging on a swing, and she was like, I like that boy. And I’m like I like him too. And she’s like, no, you can’t have him. And I’m like, but can’t we share? And she’s like, no. I was really, really young at that time. I’ve really been always that open kind of person who was like, well, if you like him and I like him, then why can’t we both have him? What’s the problem?
What’s the problem?
And in relationships, I’ve always been the person that has been like, hey, if you ever want to be with anyone else or see anyone else, just be honest with me. Just tell me. I’ve always been that way, and I feel like it’s something that is never going to change. I am pretty much like, if you want to be with someone else, I’m okay. Just be honest. I just don’t want to be lied to. I don’t want to find out from someone else. I don’t want to find out a year later that you’ve been with someone else. I’ve always been someone who’s been about freedom, and I’m my own person, and you’re your own person, and we’re coming together as our own people. The way that I realized I was poly was because in relationships, I always wanted my partner to have freedom, and I also wanted that freedom for myself. I didn’t care if they were with other people.
And I don’t want to say, like, I don’t care, as in I don’t care about the person. But it wasn’t a big deal to me if my partner saw other people. And it’s not that I’m going out, and it’s okay if you do, and you’re just constantly seeing people, constantly. But for me, being poly is being open to whatever comes and being able to make my own decision as my own person. Whenever I was in a relationship, and I was cheated on, I was never upset that they were interested in someone else or even the fact that they were with someone else. It was more the fact that they lied. Sorry, I kept off laughing.
Another thing that I realized was because I have been in open relationships in the past, whenever my partner was going out with someone else, I would in general feel more on the happy side of things. I do experience what is called compression, which is the opposite of jealousy. And that’s pretty much when you know your partner is happy because they’re going to see someone else, or they’re with someone else, or they’re happy with someone else, you’re still happy for them. And I do experience that a lot. And I do enjoy being around people who are also experiencing that. So if I’m around people who maybe they like me, but they know I like someone else, and they are okay with me liking someone else openly, for me, that’s attractive.
And I don’t want my partner to be jealous of me and have that stereotypical idea of what love is when it comes to jealousy. Because for me, that’s not love. For me, love is really about freedom and knowing that I still want to be with you no matter who else I want. I don’t feel like I needed to experience open relationships or being with other poly people to know that I’m poly myself. Just like being bisexual. I didn’t have to be with a woman to know that I was bisexual. I just knew I had that desire, and I was attracted. And I feel that same way with being polyamorous. I don’t feel like I need to be in a relationship that is open or polyamorous in order to know that I am poly. Occasionally I might feel jealous. Yes, that’s a very natural feeling. But for me, being polyamorous is not experiencing jealousy.
It’s experiencing jealousy and knowing that I can work through it. And I think that’s a very big distinction with people who are polyamorous. A lot of us are wanting to work on ourselves and knowing that, yes, I experience jealousy, but that’s something that I’m working on with myself, and it’s not something to say, hey, I’m jealous, so you can’t see other people. It’s. Hey, I’m feeling jealous. So I’m working on this and this is how I’m working on it. I think this is why I might be feeling jealous and this is what I’m doing to try and cope with that and deal with it. Instead of saying, because I’m jealous, you need to do this, I would definitely say I’m not the best person to give advice. But I feel like you’re never in a place where you’re perfect. And I feel like I understand where people might be coming from when you’re confused.
I feel like this article is all over the place, and I cannot express myself in the way that I want to. My post on Instagram where I mentioned that I’m very proud to be bisexual and polyamorous, but I know that there are people out there who are not proud and who are still in the closet or still scared or ashamed or just unsure if they’re even poly or bisexual. And we’re all going through our own journey, and we all are going through our own process. We’re not perfect. We’re going to make mistakes, and we’re going to learn from them. And for me, being poly has been so much of a growth and learning experience of what I want and who I am. It’s okay to be in that place where you’re not sure. I did a lot of reading. I read a lot of books. I will try to link some books in the description box for people who are thinking about learning polyamory.
There are many ways that I feel that I am poly. And one of those reasons, and I guess the best way to put it into closure with this article is because I feel like I’m my happiest and my best self when I have that freedom to show up as myself and to choose how I react to certain situations because I am my own person. I don’t know if I have made any sense in this article, but that is why I’m poly. Thank you guys so much for reading. Be sure to share the article. Thank you guys so much. I’ll see you guys in the next article. Bye.