A lot of you ask this question. So unicorn hunting is when a couple looks for a third. So that’s usually a heterosexual couple looking for a bisexual woman most of the time. And the intent is that she will either date both of them or neither of them. Toxic part of unicorn hunting is not the looking for a third part. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a triad. The toxic part is demanding that someone date both of you, and if one of the relationships doesn’t work out, both of you dump them. That’s not right. It’s quite a lot to ask from someone to kind of just expect them to magically fall in love with both of you at the exact same time in the exact same way, because ultimately, you’re two very different people.
And this is why people talk about unicorn hunting being bad, because couples who haven’t done the work to disentangle and constantly see themselves as a unit are frankly not ready for polyamory. So basically, if you want a triad, there’s nothing wrong with that. But understand that in a triad, there are four relationships. There’s the one between A and B and C and A and all three of you together. And these are all separate relationships that need to be nurtured. It’s not just kind of everyone doing everything together all the time. At the end of the day, polyamory still relies on pair bonds between people, and it’s about individuality, not a fun hobby that couples do together. And it also hurts a lot of bisexual people, bisexual people who are commodified and objectified and thrown aside by couples who don’t know what they’re doing. Because I think a lot of couples go into this thinking, oh, wouldn’t it be nice to share a woman? It’s usually a woman. It’s not always a woman, but it usually is. Wouldn’t it be nice to share a woman?
And then everyone’s dating everyone, and the guys usually like, oh, and I get to see two women together. Isn’t that amazing? And yeah, okay, it is amazing at first, but if you haven’t done the work to disentangle, the cracks in your relationship will start to show, and then the jealousy starts and the possessiveness and the fights, and you’re fighting over this new person’s time, and you’re just kind of consumed by all these negative emotions. And obviously the next logical step is to dump this new person. And this new person, because you didn’t do the work, has to suffer. That’s not right. That’s why unicorn hunting is so bad.
I have two boyfriends. It’s time polyamory became
Just how much terminology there is. It can be very
